Vaporized

  1. “It’s only a phase.”
    Maybe, and maybe the next phase is even worse.
  2. "This can have a different ending, you know."
    "The problem is that it already has a different beginning."
  3. Stop that worrying: you're still plenty useful to them.
  4. Just because something doesn't change doesn't mean it stays the same.
  5. Don't act so surprised: what you told yourself was a sign of your innocence, you knew all along was actually your guilt.
  6. That man who was pestering you? He wasn't dealt with. He's just hiding someplace new.
  7. That lie you told came true.
  8. If it feels as though this will last forever, well, that's because it might.
  9. You can't touch your thoughts, but they can touch you. Consider yourself touched.
  10. The thing you're most ashamed of—have you given it enough attention lately?
  11. "When I want to know your opinion on politics, I'll ask for it."
    "And when I want permission to speak, I'll ask for it."
  12. I'm grateful for locutions like "To be honest" and "frankly", because, without them how, else would be acknowledge the mendacity inherent in human relationships?
  13. If I could reclaim all the time I spend trying to "fake-out" hands-free soap dispensers, paper towel dispensers, and hand sanitizer dispensers—trying to trick these machines into believing I am multiple persons—well, I’d have a lot of extra time on my hands. And by "extra time" I mean pathogens.
  14. Every time I have to sit through a boring committee meeting at work, I think of Auden’s poem “Spain”, and I remind myself that it’s all part of the struggle, the struggle against the Man, man. Then I remember that I am a man.
  15. The absence of locker loops on men’s sportswear is becoming a real social problem. The time to fight back is now! Vote with your checkbook; rediscover your inner power as a consumer, feel its potent strength coursing through your veins!! This is the rock on which we shall live, or else die. Tell Nike, tell Champion: we want locker loops on our navy blue hoodies, and we mean to have them.
  16. The expression "in fact" is rarely used to introduce factual information into a sentence.
  17. "She was just a flash in the pan": is it more degrading to be the "flash" in that metaphor, or the "pan"? Because I think we all know who is the pan.